The spiritual community talks about unconditional love for healing all the time, and they do so for a good reason—it works. Unconditional love carries the highest vibrational frequency and is the undiluted Source energy. Unconditional love overcomes fear and drives away the darkest shadow deep inside you.
Unconditional love is all-encompassing. It does not differentiate between culture, gender, nationality, qualification, or personality. When you unconditionally love someone, you accept them whole-heartedly and would not wish them to change. You love them for their virtue, and you love them for their stains. You understand that the positive and the negative are just two sides of the same coin and this person in front of you does not need “fixing”. You love them for who they are.
Unconditional love is love without expectation. When you unconditionally love someone, you do not wish for something in return—not even the other person’s love—for you do not need it. Love itself gives you power: because you ask for nothing, you have nothing to lose and so you have nothing to fear. You love because you can.
Love with condition or expectation is a business transaction. In such cases, you are not truly loving someone but focusing on your own need. You cannot fulfill this need, be it security, recognition or self-worth, so you need someone else to give it to you. In order for that to happen, you claim that you love someone while expecting the other person to reciprocate. For example, a wife desperate for attention might buy her husband an expensive present for his birthday in return for his love and affection. If the husband fails to act as expected, the wife could immediately turn into a rage because her need is not fulfilled. Such mentality is, in effect, little more than manipulation.
The greatest barrier to unconditional love is fear. When you are fearful, you have a lot at stake and you cannot let go. Fear comes from the logical mind that dose calculation and analysis and, even after millions of years of evolution, still functions with a survival mode. It tells you that you must not leave your job even though you hate it because it is the only means to support your life. It tells you that you should look for someone else even though you feel good about the person you are seeing—he or she just does not tick all the items on your checklist (or your parents’ if you are from an Asian country). Our mind—adept at logic and calculation—does not like the word ‘unconditional’.
Unconditional love is elevating to those who receive it but also healing to those who give it. It feels good to the giver because love has the highest vibrational frequency—that of Source, and because it is our natural state of being. When you love unconditionally, you will no longer bear negative feelings, such as anger, disappointment, jealousy, fear, or guilt. They are on the other end of the frequency spectrum and cannot co-exist with love.
Unconditional love comes in different forms. It can be ardent support of your loved one’s seemingly unscrupulous decisions. It can be a total acceptance of those around you without judgment. It can be a helping hand to others in need. It can also come as random kindness without expectation—you help because you can. Unconditional love is never difficult, and you just have to quite your fearful and calculating mind do it.
We sometimes confuse worry for others with love but they could not be further apart from each other. When we worry, we are in effect trying to avoid the hurt and disappointment when others do not fulfill what we expect of them. Worry is a form of fear and control and is disempowering for the very person that we think we love. That is why being worried never feels good.
When one is loved unconditionally, one feels empowered. He or she feels trusted and is free to do whatever he likes to the best of his interest without interference from others. On the other hand, one can also feel it when the love is given with terms and conditions. It is imposing and like a trap that one struggles to break free from. For example, guilt arises when we feel the love we receive comes with conditions that we cannot fulfill.
Before you love others, make sure you know how to love yourself unconditionally. Self-love is not selfishness but the antithesis of it. Selfishness is the feeling of a lack of something—one is deprived of his need and so he has to take from others to fill the void. On the contrary, self-love is the recognition that you have whatever you need and so never need to take from others to feel happy and fulfilled.
Many people, with noble intention, would preach the idea of self-sacrifice. They claim that you should love others first and prioritize their needs over those of your own. But we are all human beings that can only feel happy when our needs and desires are fulfilled. If we try to give without satisfying ourselves, we cannot feel good but a sense of lack and deprivation, and would inevitably expect something in return.
The Universe that we live in is infinite and can provide everyone with more than they need. You do not need to compromise your desires to fulfill others, nor can you do so—the negative frequency of lack that you carry would be sensed by them. He or she then cannot accept your patronage at ease, resulting in diminished well-being for both of you. For this reason, it is better to sit still when you cannot give unconditionally.
You might then ask: “What do I get out of loving myself?” And I would say: “Because self-love is the surest and fastest track to happiness and to what you want.” More and more people are awakened to the fact that we create our own reality and that there is one thing we should all care about while we live—our vibrational frequency. As high frequency attracts high frequency and low frequency attracts low frequency, your vibratory state is going to determine whether you can attract what you desire into your reality, be it love, joy, abundance, or success—all vibrate at high frequency. If you can love yourself and be joyful regardless of everything else, your heightened vibratory state would, in turn, magnetize to yourself more things that make you happy and feel loved.
As we all embody the essence of Source, unconditional self-love and love for others are actually our natural state of being. We do not feel this way because we have been taught out of it by our caregivers and the society we live in. Children, on the other hand, are much more capable of unconditional love because they have not been tainted yet. My two-year-old nephew once showed me this capacity when I gave him a bag of candies. Although he was nagged by the adults around to share, he insisted on taking a few for himself first before willingly giving the rest to the others. Just as you can’t persuade him out of satisfying himself first, you also can’t persuade him out of sharing with others—both are in his nature.
If you are searching for happiness, be sure to awaken the skill of unconditional love. We all are capable of it but some might be reluctant to do it for unconditional love can make you vulnerable. You are vulnerable to the fact that no one responds to your love and that nothing good comes out of it. But if you are finally ready to surrender to this vulnerability and fear and decide that you will love regardless, you will reclaim the power that you’ve been craving for so long—the power to liberty. And you will be free to live your life as you wish and see your dreams come to fruition effortlessly.